spamalot } { hey it's good to be back home again

[impetere]

Cora: So you're saying he's not really going to be able to figure that out until we figure out where we stand?

Derek: I think he doesn't know what he wants right now beyond keeping that little girl safe. He needs to get that first before he's probably going to even think about himself.

Cora: [sighs softly] I'll do whatever he wants me to ...

Lydia: No. You aren't listening. As the resident crazy person, I'm making an executive decision. [she huffs and leans back against the seat] We're staying with your mother. And you and Stiles can deal with this like the theoretical adults that you are.

Derek: Thank you for being a voice of reason, Lydia. [looking at her in the rear view] And you're not a crazy person.

Cora: [is making a face but doesn't argue]

Lydia: You're not the one who had a mental breakdown and needed to leave Boston.

Derek: No, but at least you didn't a near death experience that drove you across the country for your own safety.

Lydia: That's self-preservation, not insanity. I had a screaming fit and was hearing voices in the middle of the commons.

Derek: Did they are least tell you how pretty you look today? [trying to make her feel a bit better]

Lydia: [a small smile at that, before turning her eyes out to the window] Well, it's certainly intersting to be home.

Derek: It's nice to have you home. [looks at his sister] You too, pup.

Cora: [glances back at him with a small smile] Any other surprises I should know about?

Derek: His daughter doesn't know what we are yet. But she's only three.

Cora: [she nods] So ex-nay on the erewolf-way.

Derek: Pretty much. [thinks] Oh, and Peter is Malia and Isaac's pet dog. [such a smirk]

Cora: [a sharp laugh] And he let her?

Derek: He was in coyote form at the time, and Dina is three. Pretty sure he didn't have a choice in the matter.

Cora: [she laughs harder] Poor Peter.

Derek: Dina and Ryan fell asleep on him. Mom has pictures. He couldn't shift out for almost two days [is laughing too hard]

Cora: [is laughing so hard she can't breathe] I'm sure he was very happy with that.

Derek: I think he secretly was, but we didn't see him for a day after.

Cora: Are he and Nadia still ... ?

Derek: I don't think Nadia's going to leave him because he became a pet for 48 hours.

Cora: No, but I think he might have been in it for the belly rubs.

Derek: [nope, back to laughing too hard]

Cora: [grins as her eyes turn back to the window again. She's missed this, being home with her family. It's good to be back]

Comments

[fadingspark]

"Yeah, I know." He looked out at the preserve. "I just don't know if I can ever really be either again. Maybe get somewhere close, but.. I don't know."

[impetere]

She takes a deep breath, before turning to look out with him. "We're not expecting you to be the same. We're not expecting you to be whole or fragile or anything in between. We just want you here, with us, and if we can get you back to happy - that'll just be icing on the cake."

She glances over with a small smile, the back of her hand brushing gently against his. "You just have to tell us what to do."

[fadingspark]

"I don't know what to do," he said softly. "I'm not ready to talk. It's safer for the rest of you if I don't, actually." He truly believes that, but it's more. He doesn't want to tell them what he did. What he let them do.

"Right now Dina's my priority. Let me get through this divorce first - make sure my daughter has a chance to have a better life away from all this shit. When she's safe... then I can focus on me."

[impetere]

"Okay," she says with a nod, pretending she doesn't know anything because it's easier that way. "Malia went to serve the papers with Sam today, so hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later."

Divorce is step one. Everything else is step two. "Just remember that even if we don't give you enough space, we're doing it out of love. Not because we mean to smother you." She glances back as Cora passes the window, talking with her dad about something, and she tips her head to the side just slightly. "All of us."

[fadingspark]

"As long as you guys know that I'm still just a bit twitchy. Especially about being touched. Or cornered. And I'll apologize when I snap because I know you guys mean well, and you want me to go back to being the guy you knew... but I'm not him anymore. I never will be again."

His eyes went up to the window, and he just looked at Cora a moment before lowering his head. "And the sooner you guys admit that to yourselves, the sooner we can find a way to meet in the middle."

[impetere]

"Don't be so quick to assume we don't realize that." She tips her head to the side with a sigh. "But keep in mind that we're still learning, and sometimes we might forget."

But seeing parts of the boy he used to be sometimes - that isn't beyond the realm of possibility. At least in Lydia's mind.

[fadingspark]

"I'll try to remember." He sighed and looked down at their hands. "I'm really sorry I blew up on you."

[impetere]

She glances up at him tentatively for a moment, before shifting her hand very slowly and taking it in his. It's not a huge touch, but it's slow enough that he can pull back if he doesn't want it.

"Already forgotten. I'm apologizing in advance if I wake up screaming."

[fadingspark]

He pursed his lips, then nodded. "I won't hold it against you." He didn't pull back, but he did look at it a moment before looking back at her. "We should probably get back in before someone comes looking for us."

[impetere]

She nods a bit in agreement, giving his hand a soft squeeze before releasing it and turning back to the door.

"Please. I am starving."

[fadingspark]

He smiled a bit at that. "I'll be in in a second."

He stayed back a moment, leaning against the porch railing as his head turned to look at the kitchen window again. He took in everyone happy and laughing, talking easily. Talia and Thomas being attentive to the little ones. But for a moment, his eyes just watched Cora.

The pain was still there, still hurting like it had when she had pushed him away from what he had hoped to be his beautiful future with her. His dreams, his world had shattered and he had thought Suzanna was the cure for it. But instead the wound was festered and bleeding, never healing, and he wished he had the ability to just be able to look at her and smile and feel all those feelings again.

He had always known how to make her pain go away. She was supposed to be the one there to make him never hurt. But she left, and he was hurt... and there was no way to fix that. There was no way to fix him.

But at least she was happy. Some part of his brain took solace in that, and as he pushed away from the railing to go in, he decided that it was just going to be best to keep her from getting too close. He wasn't going to ruin her happiness with what he had become, and he wasn't going to drag her down with him either.

One of them deserved to have a happy ending, and Stiles at least could recognize that in that wish - he still put her first.